Every single problem these women faced, with the exception of forcing their husbands to help more, would be resolved the moment politicians reopened the country, including schools, daycares, and businesses.
In a special report, The New York Times profiled the struggle of working mothers during the pandemic. Like the many, similar pieces that have come before them, this one too is brutal, horrifying, and at times, a bit frustrating. In general, the report combines information with empathy and posits that it's somehow our nation's policies (or lack thereof) that are to blame. This is partially true, but not in the way The New York Times argues.
The report caught my attention, and I feel at liberty to criticize it, because I'm doing this too. I too am a working mother of four and I've been doing exactly what these women have been doing for nearly a year: I've facilitated virtual school while multitasking conference calls, or entertained quarantined kids (since I'm blessed to live in Texas, where schools are generally open), while also trying to get plumbing fixed and arrange interviews. Like these women, I mostly work from home, and between COVID-exposure and general illness, there is often one or more children at home. My eldest has been quarantined four or five times for 10-14 days at a time since August.
Still, despite resonating with me, the piece presents a few problems. For starters, it lends itself to a victimhood nature. It begins, "If a mother screams in an empty field, does it make a sound? What about hundreds of mothers? Thousands? More than a million? That's how many left the American work force while countless others picked up new child care and domestic duties on top of their jobs."
To "help" these struggling mothers, the publication opened a "Primal Scream Line" in December where "Readers were invited to call in and leave any kind of message, even if it was just to yell — whatever helped them to vent." Parenting editor and columnist Jessica Grose said, "Hundreds of folks called in, many of them screaming; guttural yells; a lot of expletives."
Therapy is helpful, to be sure, and maybe this is trying to be a substitute for that, but it's unclear how encouraging women to call a hotline and scream into the void presents an adult solution to adult problems. We are not the first generation to work and parent while facing a pandemic and will not be the last. The invitation to empathy quickly covers the entire report in a gloss of victimhood, which may prevent many readers from seriously critiquing the issues posed, because they're too busy feeling sorry for moms.
As hard as this is, there isn't a day that goes by that I'm not thankful I am gainfully employed and parenting my children, pandemic or not.
"Three American Mothers on the Brink" is one of the stories within the report that features three mothers, Liz Halfhill, Dekeda Brown, and Mercedes Quintana, all struggling to keep their "households afloat." While the details of their lives differ, they share this common struggle of millions of women nationwide: Working moms are barely able to work, parent, and maintain their home and other relationships. They are suffering mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually—more than men, the piece asserts—because often the men solely focus on work while the women in their lives juggle parenting and work.
I get that this is exhausting, untenable, and borders on the insane. I wrote about this for The Atlantic last summer. "The mother of a child in my son's kindergarten class works full time, in 10-hour shifts, and when quarantine began, had to put her child in a day care so she could continue working. She and her son left the house at 6 a.m., got home around 6 p.m., ate dinner, then tried to do all of the schoolwork. They fell asleep drained, only to do it all again the next day. That's no life for her or her child."
While there is value in commiserating and knowing women are not alone—certainly this report contributed to those values—it eventually searches for someone to blame and a solution to the madness. After all, what's the point if we can't fix it? It's strange that for a piece written by women about women and published by a publication that undoubtedly waves the feminist flag, there is no mention of that here. There's no "Look at us! We made it!" Maybe women don't actually want to work full time, parent full time, and do everything else full time? Just an idea.
Throughout the entire piece detailing the exhausting lives of the three working moms, there isn't one mention of school closures, businesses shuttered, or the closed-down economy. No, The New York Times willfully misses the point, and instead, tries to analyze these issues through the lens of progressive thought.
This piece, within the report, which tried to offer solutions, vaguely blames the system. "A critical first step is to remind yourself that the reason you feel guilty, apathetic and exhausted during this worldwide crisis is due to choices that were made by people other than yourself. You can't remedy a lack of national pandemic policy or the failure of employers to effectively support families. "'How could you have won in this situation?' I like to ask my patients. Nine times out of 10, the solution is a family friendly socio-economic policy that has yet to materialize in the United States (emphasis mine)."
Family-friendly socio-economy policy you say? I've been covering policy, culture, law, and families for years. I genuinely thought through that concept and wondered what policy any President or even local politicians could put in place in their state to absolve these mothers of some stress.
Paid leave? Centralized daycare? Even Senator Romney's Family Security Act, which rearranges the tax code a bit to give families with kids more funds to work with throughout the year rather than a big chunk after filing taxes, doesn't seem like it would do much here. I still think it's a good idea, but I'm not sure that it would alleviate multitasking, child care, stress, or spousal disagreements over the work and family balancing act these women are doing.
The more I thought about it, the more it seemed obvious: The author dances around saying the thing that many experts—but let's be honest, mostly conservatives—have been saying for months. Everybody feels like screaming into the void because the entire nation, including businesses, schools, and daycares, have been mandated to remain closed or face fines.
Every single problem these women faced, with the exception of forcing their husbands to help more, would be resolved the moment politicians reopened the country, including schools, daycares, and businesses. If schools reacted to data showing how little kids transmit COVID, and reopened, moms could work during school hours, with little anxiety or distraction. If businesses reopened, even with precautions like masks or social distancing, moms or dads who work outside the home could also return to work, allowing for a semblance of normalcy.
This solution is so simple, The New York Times never even mentions it. Why? Democrats are the ones mostly advocating for schools and businesses to remain shuttered and for the rest of the haggard, weary, and anxious population including moms and dads to live in fear. As if in simpatico, The New York Times, the public relations arm of the Democrat party, would never do an entire report on how desperate working mothers are to get back to normal without mentioning the one thing progressives have done to perpetuate it—and could still do to change it. That would be way too responsible.
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