News Analysis Oct 20, 2021 1:54 PM EST

LA teacher appalled to find that students are faking COVID results to avoid 'hassle'

"I’ve felt like a frustrated, triple-vaxxed, double-masked observer in the ninth circle of hell," the teacher writes after discovering that some students submit faked COVID test results.

LA teacher appalled to find that students are faking COVID results to avoid 'hassle'
Ari Hoffman Seattle, WA

A Los Angeles school teacher claimed in a crazed op-ed for the Huffington Post that students they teach are faking negative COVID-19 test results and in so doing put the "triple vaxxed, double masked" teacher at risk.

J.S. Heaney, who uses a pseudonym "due to concerns regarding privacy and safety," stated that "…many students at the school where I teach in Los Angeles confessed to me… that, on more than one occasion, they've faked results for the COVID tests they are required to take each week."

"They do this by converting the PDF of their results to a Word document and then changing the dates," Heaney said, describing the process. "When I asked why, one student just shrugged and said, 'It’s less of a hassle.'"

Heaney noted that the COVID testing sites on the campus are "...seldom crowded (even though students are required to be tested regardless of vaccination status) and the school's COVID updates remain stagnant."

The teacher created fake results for themselves to see if it works—and it definitely does.

"I tried this scam myself weeks ago," Heaney wrote. "When I approached the security guard at the entrance kiosk where students and teachers are checked for symptoms and test results, I felt like I was hiding a ticking bomb—not a doctored test result—in my briefcase (though maybe it’s the same thing)."

"The guard glanced quickly at the document and waved me through," Heaney wrote. "It was that easy. I do, in fact, get tested every week for COVID—because I care about the health and safety of the people I work with and teach—but I've frequently shown altered test results over the past several weeks to see if I'd ever get stopped. It's never happened and, as far as I know, no one else has ever been stopped either."

Heaney brought the matter to the attention of the administration, but nothing changed. "Am I happy about this? Hell no!"

As the article progressed, the author became more unhinged. "As Albert Einstein once said, 'The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do bad things, but because of those who look on and do nothing.' Meanwhile, in California, COVID cases for those 17 and under have surpassed cases reported for those over 65."

Which leaves Heaney in fear of their students. "I teach gripped by fear — fear of the five or six unvaccinated students in each class of 35 to 40 students sitting less than 2 feet from each other; fear of the reckless students who blatantly and constantly let their masks slip off their faces; fear of the untested students; fear of the students who are doctoring their test results; and fear for the exhausted teachers and other school employees who have to deal with this on a daily basis."

"I can be in the middle of a lecture on Dante’s Divine Comedy and right in the middle of discussing the labyrinth of circles and sub-circles in the Inferno, I will spot a transgressor. He sits five seats to my left with his nose poking out of his mask. He’s just inches away from the student in front of him. Rather than concentrating on divine justice and the punishment measured for hell’s many sinners, I’m focused on a sinner right here with me and I transform into Minos seated at the entrance of the second circle of hell."

"'Can you please pull up your mask and cover your nose?' I growl like a beast, fire spewing from the sides of my KN95 mask."

The teacher added that they are looking forward to the district’s vaccine mandate to go into effect for all students over 12 in January, because without it "…my hands and the hands of my fellow teachers are tied. Without the support of our administration, some students will remain untested and continue to provide doctored test results to get into school. The health and safety of everyone in my school—and I’m guessing many other schools—will continue to be at risk. And why? Because people are too lazy to get tested? Because the school district doesn’t know how—or isn’t properly equipped—to enforce the testing requirements it put in place? Because people still believe that COVID isn’t a big deal or that vaccines are dangerous, despite what we’ve all seen with our own eyes over the last 20 months?"

"A few days ago, I listened to the chants of anti-mask and anti-vaccine protesters outside our school. I wonder if any of them listened to news about the 88,000 COVID cases in children aged 12 to 17 and the 26,300 deaths due to COVID in Los Angeles alone so far — or the 4.79 million COVID cases and 70,160 COVID deaths in the state of California." The teacher failed to mention that since the initial outbreak of the pandemic, less than 600 children under 18 have died out of a population of 75 million in the US, 5 million of which have tested positive for the coronavirus since the pandemic began.

The teacher also neglected to mention that the vast majority of children who contract COVID have mild symptoms at most and typically do not end up in the hospital. Since those numbers do not fit their narrative they attempt to scare the reader by citing the irrelevant adult statistics.

The teacher then added, "I’ve felt like a frustrated, triple-vaxxed, double-masked observer in the ninth circle of hell—the one reserved for the kind of sinners who betray their humanity and fail to recognize the deadly toll of this pandemic."

Teachers were prioritized for vaccinations, even before more at risk categories of patients in Los Angeles and California. The teacher also neglects to explain why if she is a "triple-vaxxed, double-masked observer" why if the vaccine she is demanding others receive is so effective, she is still concerned for her own safety.

One can only hope that the author is not a science or math teacher.

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