Police tell panicked shoppers not to ring 911 due to lack of toilet paper

As thousands of panic-stricken shoppers have descended upon big-box stores to snatch up the last of household staples, retailers have had a hard time keeping the shelves restocked. Many businesses have responded by limiting the number of products allowed per person. The shortages have not only put a huge strain on businesses, but also on the police.

The police department proceeded to give a list of tongue-in-cheek alternatives to “your favorite soft, ultra plush two-ply citrus scented tissue.”

“[T]here are always alternatives to toilet paper. Grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting on the holder right now,” the message read.

“Plus, there are a variety of leaves you can safely use. Mother Earth News magazine will tell you how to make your own wipes using fifteen different leaves. When all else fails, you have magazine pages. Start saving those catalogs you get in the mail that you usually toss into the recycle bin. be resourceful. Be patient. There is a TP shortage. This too shall pass. Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.”

Many dimensions of North American life have been reordered and called into question with the spread of the virus. There are myriad photos circulating of empty shelves and endless lines of shoppers waiting for their turn in the checkout line. As the country attempts to curb the spread of Covid-19, shoppers are set to continue dashing to their local stores, not knowing how long they may need to hold out for.

Oregon has reported only 38 cases of the contagion with one death while their neighbors in Washington have reported 676 cases and 42 deaths, according to The New York Times.