WATCH: Tucker Carlson wishes MSNBC a happy birthday, ‘may all the kindness you spread keep coming back to you’

Carlson began by poking fun at the theory that Joe Scarborough was responsible for the death of an aide two decades ago and was accused of such by former President Trump. "The first is that all of its anchors have been accused by a sitting president of murdering a young woman in a congressional office. That's not true. It's a myth. And we'd like to dispel it once and for all right now."

Carlson continued, "The second misperception about MSNBC is that it has always been some sort of left-wing revolutionary channel Leon Trotsky TV, and that's not true either. From its first hours MSNBC was a purely corporate project. The MS stands for Microsoft, the NBC for what was then a division of General Electric. So the channel began as a merger of business titans, and fundamentally it's still just one big HR department. After the 2004 presidential elections, the geniuses in the programming office decided to pivot and make MSNBC more populist or something. They weren't sure exactly what they wanted, but they hired a new prime time anchor anyway."

Tucker then played a flashback clip of himself on the network calling out Collin Powell. "Do you wish now looking back three years that the press had been a little more vigilant in asking questions about the invasion of Iraq during the run-up to it. Like, are we certain, there are these WMD stockpiles that we're using to justify the war? How do you know that they're there? What exactly are you talking about Mr. Powell in your speech? Don't you wish the press had been a little tougher than that?"

Tucker smiled at the clip before continuing, "Now, honestly, that's pretty compelling. But in the end, it was not enough. The guy you just saw was fired for low ratings. He was replaced by an emotionally stunted agoraphobic baseball card collector who were mom jeans to the office and wrote Florence scripts with too many adjectives, Mr. Keith Olbermann, ladies and gentlemen, and keep in mind, the L is silent. But it was too volatile and arrangement to last. And before long, the network's top star took his mom jeans and went back to his Honus Wagner cards in his sad Midtown apartment. But MSNBC itself remained and its evolution continued, like puppies, all TV networks are cute when they're little. The problem is you never know what they're going to grow up to become."

Carlson continued, "So what is MSNBC now? Well effectively, it's the Hutu radio network, ginning up race, fear to mobilize the malicious. Here's the channel’s new lead anchor screaming, once again, about those diabolical white people," referencing Joy Reid.

Carlson then played a clip of Reid’s show. "And so here we are, again with conservatism, at least among a certain cohort of white guys now rooting itself in the idea that even during a pandemic, these screaming men and women have the God given right to get their roots done and order a steak at the restaurant and hit the golf course in the bar. And that those rights, which they claim were conferred upon them by God. Require a disproportionately black and brown labor force to return to work, get back on the wheel and risk death in order to serve them and return them to their comfortable lives."

Carlson commented on the clip, "Broadcasting that crap 24 hours a day, shades of kill golly, 94. We regret to inform you that tomorrow will be killed with our families. Its pretty ugly, but we're going to rise above it tonight and wish the woman you just saw, along with Jeb Bush’s former flack, the Rachel Maddow impersonator, and most sincerely Rachel Maddow herself, a very happy birthday."

"And we're going to do it with maximum cultural imperialism. As the Irish say on occasions like this, may your life be full of gladness and health and your pocket full of gold as the least of your wealth, may the dreams you hold dear. Be the ones that come true. They all the kindness you spread. Keep coming back to you. Happy birthday, MSNBC."