"It’s been a long tradition for both Democrat and Republican candidates for President of the United States to attend this dinner. Always—it’s a rule. You’ve got to go to the dinner. You’ve got to do it. Otherwise, bad things are going to happen to you from up there."
The GOP nominee drew many laughs for his nearly half-hour-long speech. He started by cracking a few jokes about being in New York without having to come with a subpoena for his appearance, giving a jab to NYC Mayor Eric Adams who is now under investigation by the Biden-Harris DOJ. He then laid into Harris, roasting her for not coming to the traditional event for a good cause.
"It’s been a long tradition for both Democrat and Republican candidates for President of the United States to attend this dinner. Always—it’s a rule. You’ve got to go to the dinner. You’ve got to do it. Otherwise, bad things are going to happen to you from up there," he said jokingly, pointing upwards towards the heavens.
"You can’t do what I just saw on that screen. But my opponent feels like she does not have to be here, which is deeply disrespectful to the event and, in particular, to our great Catholic community. Very disrespectful," he added.
When the vice chair of the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Mary Callahan Erdoes spoke to introduce the candidates, she said that Harris would be joining later on by video, and many in the audience booed in response. They then cheered when it was announced that Trump was able to attend in person.
Harris was joined by SNL alumni Molly Shannon in the video to deliver her pre-recorded roasts, which appeared to fall flat for the audience as they watched. Shannon, who said that it was "time for a woman" for the presidency, made several Taylor Swift references and ran off screen after saying, "Thank you Mamala."
During Trump's speech, he also recalled that the last time a Democrat had missed dinner after declining an invite was with Walter Mondale, "It did not go very well for him. He lost 49 states, and he won one, Minnesota. So, I said, there’s no way I’m missing it," drawing more laughs from those in attendance.
The GOP nominee then joked, "I understand the real reason that she’s not here is she’s hunting with her running mate, spending a lot of time hunting," referring to a video of vice-presidential candidate Tim Walz struggling to a load his shotgun in a video posted by his campaign. Many online mocked Walz for the seemingly inauthentic display of hunting skill.
He later roasted Walz again for telling multiple different falsehoods over the course of his career, "Unfortunately, Governor Walz isn’t here himself. But don’t worry. He’ll say that he was. He’s going to say he was," poking fun at Walz for telling multiple falsehoods about his service in the military, going to China during the Tiananmen Square Massacre, and other fibs over the years.
Aside from Harris and Walz, Trump also took a shot at Doug Emhoff, Harris' husband, for cheating on his ex-wife and getting his children's nanny pregnant prior to getting together with the now-VP, "A major issue in this race is childcare, and Kamala has put forward a concept of a plan. A lot of people don’t like it. The only piece of advice I would have for her in the event that she wins would be not to let her husband Doug anywhere near the nannies."
Amid the jokes he told about Harris and other Democrats, he added, "Tradition holds that I’m supposed to tell a few self-deprecating jokes this evening. So here it goes. Nope. I’ve got nothing. I’ve got nothing. There’s nothing to say," he said to some laughs.
"I guess I just don’t see the point of taking shots at myself when other people have been shooting at me for a hell of a long time," he added, roasting the Democratic Party for the legal cases against him.
In perhaps one of hardest hitting lines of the night that drew many laughs, Trump poked fun at Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) for looking “very glum” and then gave him a pat on the back.
The GOP nominee added, “But look on the bright side, Chuck. Considering how woke your party has become, if Kamala loses, you still have a chance to become the first woman president!”
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