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We live in a world of catchphrases that sound good but don’t align with facts. “Speaking truth to power” calling out “rape culture” or “toxic masculinity” makes for an effective outrage machine and in the internet age that seems to be all that is needed to garner government funding.
Of course the average person knows that rape is not actually condoned by anyone in our culture. In a way, that is why the phrase is so effective in generating outrage. We also know that men have played an essential role in innovating and improving civilization in ways that are not toxic at all. But it is the abstraction of “truth” that is really causing all the problems.
In a world of “lived experience” somehow reshaping reality it is hard to fight back with logic. Indeed, no matter how often feminist myths are debunked they still persist. The “rule of thumb” is not a law allowing a man to beat his wife, it was a measurement used by craftspeople. Nevertheless, even lawyers cite this phrase as proof that women have been historically oppressed. And what is the point of arguing about it on Twitter?
I often get messages from people telling me that I need to speak out more often and more vehemently against feminism. These messengers also point out how many decades of feminist nonsense have passed without a single hitch in their narrative despite the number of times they’ve been debunked.
So what can be done?
In my current work I help people falsely accused or wrongfully convicted of sex crimes. No one ever expects to be in that situation and when they find out it can happen to them the awakening is not something good. There is nothing good about injustice, no matter who it happens to. Whether or not the accused was formerly a social justice warrior rallying behind the #believe mentality or a police officer who may have laid charges against an innocent man in the past, there is no joy to be had from the destruction of human life.
What I have found is that we have to focus on what we can do today and stay focused on our accomplishments.
I speak to people every day who are facing the most terrifying time in their lives. Sometimes I don’t say a lot; just having me listen and understand is the thing they really need. Other times I seem to be the only one talking on the phone call and what they want is the sound of a voice who can help them feel that somehow all of this makes sense. Trying to convince them that there is some kind of structure and meaning left in the world.
Sometimes I get it wrong. Maybe I should have talked less and listened more. Maybe I should have listened less and given some more helpful advice. Maybe I should have had a better answer when they asked me how bad things are going to get before the pendulum swings the other way. One thing for sure: I wish I could tell them that justice will prevail and that innocent men don’t go to jail.
But I can’t do that.
All I can really promise is that they won’t disappear. If an innocent man gets convicted on my watch I won’t let his life be erased and I can make sure people hear his story. But is that good enough? What more can I do?
Feminists like to talk numbers. One in three women, one in five women, 2%, 8% or maybe it’s 10, and every two minutes…. But the men I talk to aren’t just a number. They’d like to know what percentage of falsely accused people go to jail and I can’t tell them. I don’t know. We can’t think about the numbers, we have to think about their cases and the actual people involved. Numbers won’t acquit an innocent man.
Somehow we need the judge or jury to realize this isn’t about numbers, it’s about human beings.
And, in court, the hardest part of a trial is having to sit still and saying nothing. It’s not natural and it’s not easy. In normal life when someone lies about you, you cut them off. You say something like “hey, wait a minute. That’s not what happened!” And then an argument ensues about who gets to speak next. But in court the accused must sit there silent and without gesture while listening to his accuser say things that could send him to prison.
I always tell people the first day will be the worst. But then it’s your turn. The hardest part in court is waiting for your turn. And then waiting for the verdict.
Meanwhile, with sexual assault allegations, an acquittal will just be added to the feminist list of wrong outcomes. No matter how much evidence is produced that the allegations were false, anything other than a conviction is deemed by feminists to be a failure of the justice system. We could ask what the purpose of bothering with a trial is at all but for those who end up in prison they’ll tell you there is a big difference.
Even with the stigma of the accusation, life can go on for those who are acquitted. It doesn’t matter that some crazy people will always insist an innocent person was guilty as long as we have enough people who understand. And that is what is happening now.
I often tell people that they need to look forward to things they can actually do something about. Tragedy can never be erased. The accusation can never be undone. The goal is to keep living and to take back control in their lives even though we can’t unsee the injustice. I used to say that there was an army of the living dead out in the world now because of feminism. An army of the falsely accused who know the percentages are wrong.
Though it’s a good metaphor, having worked with so many falsely accused now I am constantly impressed with the vitality and perseverance I have witnessed. They are not the walking dead; there is a lot of life left there.
All these men who have been devastated, unpersoned and struggling to overcome their grief and anger are not the toxic part of our society. The feminist narrative that cares more about numbers than human beings is the real problem.
So what can we do? So far my answer is to focus on the people I can help and just keep doing that for as long as I can.