Twitter blue checkmarks tried to mock Trump’s Space Force uniforms—it backfired

With Trump Derangement Syndrome at an all-time high, the blue checkmarks tweeted: there are “no trees in space.” The officers will be working on the ground.
Ian Miles Cheong Montreal, QC

The United States Space Force unveiled utility uniforms for the newly established branch of the military. As the first new armed service since the establishment of the U.S. Air Force in 1947, the USSF is organized to command space-based operations as the world’s superpowers venture into the final frontier.

Naturally, with Trump Derangement Syndrome at an all time high—and with Trump being the man to have created the USSF—all the blue checkmarks on Twitter were quick to point out that there are, “no trees in space.”

The USSF’s new uniform isn’t all that new. It’s simply the current Army/Air Force uniform repurposed with U.S. Space Force nametags and patches. The reasoning behind the recycled uniform is simple: it would cost a lot of money to design a new uniform for command officers who are going to be working with their joint counterparts on the ground.

“USSF is utilizing current Army/Air Force uniforms, saving costs of designing/producing a new one. Members will look like their joint counterparts they’ll be working with, on the ground,” wrote the USSF on Twitter.

They’re not going to space. As such, there’s no reason to design new uniforms. It’s worth pointing out that the U.S. Army’s “Universal Camouflage Pattern” was introduced at an estimated cost of $5 billion—a boondoggle that’s been described as an absolute failure that failed to hide its soldiers.

Originally intended to camouflage troops in both desert and temperate terrain, the pattern suffered from an optical effect called “isoluminance” that made soldiers wearing the UCP easy to spot at a distance due to the complexity of the camouflage. Failure to include black in the pattern also made it look flat against three-dimensional surfaces. The Army has since ditched the pattern.

Now you might be wondering why I’d go into any sort of detail about the $5b camo—well the truth is simple: there’s not going to be any ground warfare in space until we start killing each other on other planets. As it stands, any sort of warfare to occur in space is going to be done through the deployment of hypersonic missiles and low-orbit spaceplanes. So why would you waste any money on uniforms when the ones the airforce uses right now will suffice just as well? Prestige?

There’s no reason why the USSF should dress up like the Imperial military, Federation officers, or whatever else sci-fi writers can come up with when green patterned camo will work just as well.

If Donald Trump ordered the creation of special uniforms, the same people making fun of the USSF for there being “no trees in space” would be making all these same points—and they’d be correct.

But as it stands, all they have are complaints about how there’s no trees in space. None of these takes are original—each of them regurgitating the other with some way to rephrase the point that the void in all its darkness doesn’t have any greenery for soldiers to hide in.

All these tweets need to be launched directly into the sun.

Ian Miles Cheong
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