Trans school shooter Audrey Hale wrote journal entry about her ‘imaginary penis,’ wanting to have sex with women

"April of '99—the year Columbine was born... (04/20/1999)," she wrote. She also commemorated the birthdays of the two Columbine school shooters. In another post, she lamented "So now in America, it makes one a criminal to have a gun or, be transgender, or non-binary," she added "God I hate those sh*thead politicians."

Only 19 days before the disturbed young woman drove to the school, made her way inside and opened fire, she wrote in her journal "I need a trans doctor." As reported by the Tennessee Star based on a review of the writings, the entry was dated March 8, 2023. The outlet has been engaged in a lawsuit to force the release of Hale's writing and documents.

"I need a trans doctor," the entry read. "This female gender role makes me want to not exist," she wrote.

"No," Hale wrote after scratching out a word completely, "to be completely gone in physical form... off the face of the earth."

"My therapist now is the best I could get 4 help," she wrote later down on the same page. "My autism." She drew puzzle pieces symbolizing autism as well.

In another entry she wrote "My penis exists in my head. I swear to god I'm male." She wrote that she was interested in having sex with women as a male. She discussed sex with stuffed animals, saying "I can pretend to be them [and] do the things boys do [and] experience my boy self as Tony," the Star reports the journal reading. She said her "stuffed boy doll" was "like the boy I am in another form."

Hale was concerned that she spent too much time in fantasies, writing "God, I am such a pervert. I waste too much time in my fantasies."

She recalled her fear over "being called a dyke or a f*ggot" before she discovered the possibility for being trans in her early 20s, the Star reports. hale said being raised female was "torture."

"I finally found the answer—that changing one's gender is possible," she wrote, noting that her mother was not happy about his plan. "What she believes, how she grew up, conservatively, and that LGBTQ – especially transgender – was an enigma, nearly non-existent," she wrote, per the Star.

She also wrote about using the name Aiden and how when using it in a job application she ran into trouble due to background checks.