EXCLUSIVE: ‘Southwoke Airlines’ billboard appears in Dallas/Ft. Worth area for April Fool’s Day, mocking woke airline with images of their execs in drag

The billboard, featuring the tag phrase "Bringing San Francisco’s baggage to Texas non-stop," features satirical depictions of Southwest Airlines CEO Robert Jordan, and Board of Directors members David Biegler, Nancy Loefler, Gary Kelly, and Veronica Biggins dressed in flashy drag attire.

Behind it is an anonymous group calling itself “Shut up And Fly”. They are demanding that airlines pay more attention to landing signals instead of virtue signals.

The billboard includes a website, southwoke.com, which includes a message from the CEO, customer testimonials, and blog posts announcing various appointments to positions and accomplishments by the fake airline. Also included is a mockup of what Southwoke's airplanes look like, complete with a tail covered in the gay pride flag.

The website features several slogans, including "you're now free to move about your gender," "we bring woke values to Texas," "we held Texas become a second California," and "an airline that's inclusive of everyone but you."

The satirical message from the CEO Bob Jordan, who has "He/Him/Two Spirit" pronouns listed, begins by saying, "Here at Southwoke, we’re fully committed to DEI, ESG, LGTBQ+, BLM, BIPOC, Allyship, #MeToo and every other trendy woke acronym or hashtag you can think of."

"In fact, we’re so committed that we want to import those same values from other woke meccas like San Francisco and Portland to right here, deep in the heart of Texas – the stolen lands of the Caddo, Wichita, and Comanche people."

The message continues on to state that while the fake airline is based in Texas, "we have become California’s 'unofficial airline,'" linking to a New York Times article about Southwest Airlines by a similar title.

Jordan continued on to "promise to bring those woke values" to Texas, including accommodating work schedule changes for employees looking to participate "in leftist political activism," and investing in DEI, ESG, BLM, LGBTQ+ initiatives "even when it hurts," "That may mean we have to delay investments in things like flight scheduling hardware upgrades, but we believe signaling our woke virtues is that important."

"We promise to do this, even if it risks the cancellation of tens of thousands of flights over important holidays such as Christmas or New Year’s. Southwoke believes all Americans have to make sacrifices to protect woke values, and sometimes that includes our customers," the message continues, adding that the fake company values hiring not employees that are most qualified, but rather those that are "historically marginalized."

"That’s why we have promised to lower our standards in the way we hire, train, discipline, and promote workers in order to benefit those employees that best represent, not the most qualified, but instead the incredible diversity rainbow," the CEO stated.

Pointing out recent issues faced by Southwest Airlines, the message states that "From time to time, it may leave our passengers stranded and vomiting for hours. It may lead to multiple flight cancellations, re-routings, and lost bags. And occasionally it may even lead to the cancellation of thousands of flights over the holidays, leaving our customers stranded without their luggage for days on end."

In an "about us" section, the airline states that "We pride ourselves in contributing to the overall cancel culture by canceling flights at the last minute without explanation," "we believe in sharing your luggage with other passengers," "Our diverse staff loves to school our passengers about issues, making you feel unworthy of our wokeness," and stating that instead of in-flight entertainment systems, passengers will be offered books such as "The Communist Manifesto" and "Heather’s Mom Has Two Penises."

In the most recent blog post from Southwoke, the company announced that disgraced former Biden administration nuclear waste official Sam Brinton would be the company’s new "Baggage Czar." Brinton was charged with theft earlier this year after the non-binary BDSM puppy play-loving official was accused of stealing numerous women’s luggage from airports.

"We are thrilled to welcome The Snatcher to our team," said Jordan. "The Snatcher" is a nickname the airline gave to Brinton. "His expertise in luggage acquisition and distribution is unmatched, and we believe he has what it takes to lead our baggage handling operations to new heights as we work to bring more of San Francisco’s baggage to the Lone Star State."

In another blog post, Southwoke referenced the thousands of canceled flights Southwest experienced over the holiday season, with the fake company’s CEO Gary Kelly stating "Canceling flights is one of the most inclusive things we can do as a company."

Other blog posts mock Southwest Airlines' supporting of the Cream City Foundation in 2015, which sponsored drag queen shows for children, and the company’s $10 million commitment to Yale University to support climate change initiatives, which was announced in 2021.

Under customer testimonials, the website links to TikTok posts of real-life Southwest Airlines customers documenting their poor experiences with their travels on the airline, including baggage laying unclaimed at airports, baggage being destroyed, and canceled flights.