We are living in troubled times. So troubled, in fact, that even this journalist (who by all means is stoic and sage) has taken to writing articles about cleaning. This is not through some Biden-esq loss of cognitive function, but instead, through reaction—we are all in this together, and to survive is to be clean.
I understand that hygiene to you, my dear reader, is a subject you had believed to have grasped. I must sternly warn you that this is not the case: for too long you have been ignoring the gravest facet of uncleanliness—the sanitation of your car.
We all know somebody who leaves their cars in repulsive states. Indeed, my very own senior editor has a car that is grotesquely dirty. It looks a bit like Wuhan does, with paper and empty cans everywhere, and a constant smell of food that has some unknown derivation. This type of behavior, almost animalistic through its sheer lack of civility, can continue no longer if we wish to combat this virus.
Think, dear reader, of the habits you put on display whilst within the safety of your car. You do not need to be as emetic as my senior editor is for your car to put people at risk. It is basically a moving infection station. God forbid if any of you were to pick up this disease and take your grandmother on a trip to the cinema.
So, as we united countrymen struggle through this virus, we must clean our cars. Close your eyes and think of Canada if you must, but our usual habits must change.